


One-shots In The Shadows

by Not_The_Underlord_Brendon_Urie



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Gen, Goofy Family, Silly, not canon, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:02:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26903335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_The_Underlord_Brendon_Urie/pseuds/Not_The_Underlord_Brendon_Urie
Summary: A series of one shots of our favorite vampires and familiar!Very far from canon, but we all need a goofy story once in a while :D
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	1. Wisdom Teeth

“Okay Guillermo, right through the door, that’s it. Alright, sit down.” Colin said, steering Guillermo into the sitting room.  
“Colin Robinson, what is it? What happened to Guillermo?” Nandor asked, looking down at his dazed familiar.  
“Well, Guillermo just got his wisdom teeth pulled out, so he’s kinda loopy right now. I had to take him to the dentist, then I had to take him home and-” Colin droned, stopping when Nandor put his hand up.  
“I know what you’re doing, Colin Robinson. You will not be draining my energy today, so suck it… but not really, because I’m not listening to you.” Nandor said. He swept out of the room before Colin could take any more of his energy.  
“I want water.” Guillermo muttered, barely comprehensible through the cotton.  
“What was that? You want to hear about my stamp collection?” Colin asked. Guillermo shook his head, but Colin had already launched into the story of how he got his first stamp.  
~~~~  
A few hours later, Nandor had a brilliant idea. After confirming with Colin that the sun had set, he went to go find some assistance.  
“Nadja, I need to go to the store. Would you like to come with me?” Nandor asked, knocking on the woman’s coffin.  
“Sure, I don’t have anything else going on.” Nadja replied, emerging from the lavish wooden box. She closed the coffin and looked at Nandor. “What are we looking for?”  
“I want to get some ‘Get Well’ gifts for Guillermo, but I’m not quite sure what humans consider a comforting item.” Nandor informed her. She nodded.  
“We’ll figure it out.”  
Nandor beamed. “Excellent. I just want to let Laszlo know where we’re going, and then we can leave.”  
A moment later, Laszlo joined Nandor and Nadja’s conversation.  
“Laszlo, Nadja and I are heading to the store. I’m not sure how long we’ll be gone, but I would like you to keep an eye on Guillermo and Colin Robinson. Guillermo’s in a very vulnerable state, and I don’t want that sneaky sweater-clad snake making a meal out of my familiar.” Nandor explained.  
“Of course, my friend. Take all the time you need, I’ll hold the fort down while you’re away.” Laszlo agreed.  
“Goodbye, Laszlo, I’ll see you later.” Nadja called as Nandor swept out of the house.  
“Ta-ta, my darling. Have fun on your excursion.” Laszlo said with a wave, shutting the door after the two. He clapped his hands and rubbed them together, setting off to find the familiar.  
~~~~  
“Ah, Gizmo, how are you feeling?” Laszlo asked upon entering the sitting room. Guillermo was propped up against a few pillows on the arm of the couch, eyes drooping heavily, no glasses in sight.  
“Tired. And thirsty.” Guillermo responded. He brushed his hair out of his eyes, and his hand fell immediately back to his side.  
“I’ve been there. I would suggest drinking some blood, but you’re not a vampire. What is it that humans like to drink?”  
“Water.”  
“Righto. Back in a jiffy.” Laszlo said, turning back out of the room. Guillermo sighed and allowed his eyes to close, too tired to stay awake for much longer.  
Laszlo returned a minute or so later, carrying the glass in his right hand. “Gizmo, I didn’t know how humans usually take their water so I put a dash of blood in it for you. Extra iron, it’s good for you.” Laszlo called, stopping abruptly when he saw the sleeping man. “Aww, that’s cute.” he added. He set the water on the side table and grabbed a blanket, unfolding it and laying it over Guillermo. He blew out the candles and exited the room.  
~~~~  
Nadja and Nandor sauntered down the aisles of Target, looking for something that Guillermo would like.  
“What about this one? It has a cute little mask on it.” Nandor said, holding up a small plush toy.  
“That’s Batman, it’s racist.” Nadja told him, looking disgusted at the thought of having that figure in the house.  
“Eh, you’re right. So long, evil doll.” Nandor replied, shoving the Batman plush to the back of the display, hiding it behind two pink teddy bears.  
“Oh, look at this, Nandor. This is perfect for Gizmo!” Nadja called from the end of the aisle. Nandor strode over to her to inspect the item and smiled.  
“Wonderful! Oh, he will be so happy.” Nandor said, taking the chosen toy in his hands. He and Nadja picked out a few bags of candy for Guillermo as well and made their way to the checkout.  
“Good evening.” Nandor said to the cashier as he scanned their items.  
“Same to you. Your total comes to $32.50.”  
Nandor nodded and pulled a fifty dollar bill out of his cloak, handing it to the cashier. He popped it in the register and pulled out a ten, a five, two singles, and two quarters.  
“$17.50 coming back. Have a great night, sir.” the cashier said. Nandor pocketed the change and picked up the bag, and the two exited the store.  
“I’ve seen Guillermo do that countless times. You give them paper, and they give you free paper back. Isn’t that wonderful?” Nandor explained to Nadja. She nodded. “And they call this free paper ‘change’. That really is something.” Nandor continued, assuming his bat form and flying back home, Nadja not far behind.  
~~~~  
“Over the past couple of hours, I’ve devised the perfect care system. If Colin Robinson tries to drain Gizmo of any energy, I spray him a few times with this nifty water bottle and shout ‘Shoo’ at him. It works quite well, if I do say so myself.” Laszlo explained to the film crew. He turned his head and saw Colin trying to sneak into the sitting room, apparently hungry for a late night snack. Laszlo got up and blocked the sitting room entrance, spraying Colin and following him to his room. He smiled at the film crew. “See? Works like a charm.”  
He spun the bottle of his index finger a few times before dropping it.  
“Ah fuck.” he muttered, bending down to pick the bottle back up, spinning it on his finger once more.  
~~~~  
“Laszlo, Guillermo, we’re home!” Nandor announced, walking into the house. He entered the sitting room just as Nadja closed the front door and followed him, Laszlo joining them a minute later.  
“So, how did everything go?” Nandor asked Laszlo.  
“Rather well, I’d say. Colin Robinson tried to attack a few times, but I figured out how to keep him at bay. Watch this.” Laszlo replied. “Colin Robinson, house meeting!” he called. Colin appeared in the entryway and when Laszlo held up the water bottle, he ran away very quickly.  
“Ah, so he’s scared of this doohickey, then?” Nandor asked, fascinated.  
“No, you dipshit, I sprayed him so many times that he knows I’ll do it again, so he backs off.” Laszlo replied.  
The noise woke up Guillermo, who looked around groggily.  
“Hey there, buddy.” Nandor said slowly, handing Nadja the change. She snuck away to put the money back in Guillermo’s wallet and returned soon after. “We got something for you.”  
“You didn’t have to get me anything.” Guillermo said, smiling.  
“Of course we did, we want you to feel better.” Nandor told him, pulling the bag up. He rifled through it and pulled out three bags of candy. “This one is called ‘Skittles’, and they have all these pretty colors. These are Hershey’s Kisses, they’re very romantic. These ones are gummi fangs, so when you eat them, you can feel like you’re a vampire.” he added, handing the bags to Guillermo.  
“Thank you, master. I’ll save these for when I can eat them.” Guillermo said.  
“Hold on, there’s one more thing.” Nadja said, pulling the toy out. She held it out to Guillermo, and he looked puzzled.  
“What is this?”  
“He is a doll named Gizmo. He doesn’t look like you at all, but you have the exact same name.” Nadja gushed, shoving the Gizmo plush into Guillermo’s hands.  
“Thank you, this is great.” Guillermo replied. The vampires smiled.  
“You’re very welcome. We’ll let you go back to sleep now. Come, Nadja and Laszlo.” Nandor said, and the three of them swept out of the room. Laszlo scared Colin away one last time, and went to join Nadja and Nandor in a game of Charades


	2. Hide and Seek

“Seven, eight, nine, ten! Ready or not, here I come!” Laszlo called, moving away from the corner where he had been counting. He stalked down the hallway, cape fluttering gently behind him. Upon hearing a faint “Oh dear…”, he turned and walked toward Guillermo’s room.  
“Gizmo, I’m coming for you.” Laszlo sang, now just outside the door. He peered into the room and stepped in, expecting to find the familiar in a matter of seconds. He didn’t.  
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Alright, you damn bloke, I’ll be back for you.” Laszlo grumbled, turning back out and moving to search the upstairs.  
“That was close.” Guillermo sighed, emerging from his closet. He tiptoed down the hall to find a new hiding spot.  
~~~~  
“Nandor, old chap, where are you?” Laszlo said, creeping about the second floor.  
“I’m right here, Laszlo.” Nandor replied, popping out from behind a curtain. “Really, why would you make me hide somewhere if you just ask where I am right away?”  
“That’s not… you weren’t supposed to… ah, forget it. I’m gonna go look for Nadja now.” Laszlo sighed, trudging down the stairs. Nandor shook his head and looked at the film crew. “What is his problem? He’s all ‘Hey guys, want to play a game? You hide and I’ll come find you, but you have to tell me where you are so it goes by faster. Bleh!’ Unbelievable.” he said, whooshing down the stairs after Laszlo.  
~~~~  
Laszlo found Nadja fairly easily; apparently, her idea of a good hiding spot was her husband’s coffin.  
“That was quite a predictable spot, my darling. Why did you hide in there?” Laszlo asked, hugging Nadja and dipping her.  
“It’s comfortable and it smells like you.” Nadja replied. Laszlo pulled her up and kissed her passionately.  
~~~~  
“You can run, but you can’t hide, Gizmo. I know where you are.” Laszlo taunted, closing in on the library. He looked in every nook and cranny for what felt like forever, but he finally found Guillermo.  
“You are a worthy opponent, small human. You have bested me fair and square. How on earth did you find that hiding spot?” Laszlo asked, amazed.  
“Well, it wasn’t that hard. When I was cleaning in here one day, I moved the bookshelf, and there was this small door. Sure enough, I was able to squeeze into it and move out of it fairly easily.” Guillermo responded.  
~~~~  
“That was quite fun, I enjoyed it.” Nadja said.  
“Yeah, if Laszlo didn’t ruin it for you by making you give away your position.” Nandor grumbled. Laszlo grimaced at him.  
“For the last time, you didn’t have to say anything. It was a rhetorical question, you fucknut!” he replied. Nandor hissed and turned to face away from him, pouting.  
“Hey, does something feel off to anyone else?” Guillermo asked.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I feel like we’re forgetting about someone.”  
~~~~  
“This is such a good spot.” Colin said. He pulled his coat tighter around himself and curled up, leaning against the middlemost spike. The view was gorgeous, but boy oh boy, the Statue of Liberty sure was tall.


	3. Parents

It was a stormy night, and the vampires had just gotten up from a lengthy slumber.  
“Curse that Daylight Savings Time. Now I have one less hour to work on my knitting.” Nandor muttered, his mood soured.  
“You’ll still be able to knit, master.” Guillermo reminded him.  
“I know, just not as long as I would have liked.” Nandor replied, making his way to the sitting room. He sat on the couch and picked up his red yarn, already fastened to his white knitting needles. “Pretty cool, right? I chose these specific colors to look like blood and fangs.” Nandor explained to the film crew. They nodded in agreement.  
A loud knock sounded on the door, and Nadja rushed down the hall.  
“I got it, nobody else open it!” she yelled, wrapping her hand around the doorknob and yanking the door aggressively. On the porch stood Jenna, hair plastered to her face by rain. “Jenna, you poor thing. Come in, dear.” Nadja cooed, ushering the young vampire in.  
“Laszlo, our daughter is here!” she called, waiting for Laszlo to make his appearance. He came downstairs a minute later, cape whooshing behind him.  
“My word, this is a mess. Should I get a blanket or a cloak?” Laszlo commented, looking at Nadja for her reply.  
“A blanket.” she said, and Laszlo went upstairs to retrieve the requested item. When he returned, Nadja took the blanket and unfolded it, wrapping it tightly around Jenna. “Is that better?” she asked. Jenna nodded. Nadja marched Jenna into the sitting room and sat on the couch with her, and Laszlo sat on Jenna’s other side.  
“Why were you out in the rain?” Laszlo asked, looking at Jenna.  
“I wanted to visit you guys, but since I wouldn’t show up in any bus mirrors, I decided to walk so that I wouldn’t scare the humans, and then it started pouring.” Jenna explained.  
“Would it help if I knitted you a scarf?” Nandor offered, setting down his current project and picking up a small wicker basket. “I have a lovely purple, some more red, maroon, fuchsia-“ he explained, but was cut off by Nadja hissing at him.  
“Not now! We are trying to parent our child, and she does not need to be distracted by your colorful strings!” she scolded. Nandor huffed.  
“Someone’s not getting a hat for their birthday.” he muttered, getting back to work on his blanket.  
Nadja rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to Jenna. “Darling, you can let us know when you want to visit and we could pick you up.” Nadja told her.  
“How? I don’t think bats can carry much weight, and you would have the same issue if you didn’t show up in mirrors.” Jenna said.  
“Well, I’m currently working on getting a vehicular license. I want to drive a hearse.” Laszlo explained. Jenna laughed.  
“That’s a good one.” she said. Laszlo looked hurt.  
“No, I’m damn serious. A hearse would be a hella good vehicle to drive. More suitable than that pickup truck, that’s for damn sure.” he said. Jenna was quiet for a moment, unsure of how to move on from the subject. That didn’t last long, as Colin walked into the room.  
“Wow, it is raining cats and dogs out there. I’m sure you’re all wondering where that expression came from. Well, it all started when the-“ he began, when he was chased out of the room by Laszlo. Nadja watched them until they were out of sight and turned back to Jenna.   
“I love you very much, my little baby vampire.” she said, kissing Jenna’s forehead.  
“I love you too, mom.” Jenna replied.  
“What’d I miss?” Laszlo asked, walking back into the room.  
“I was just telling Jenna that I love her.” Nadja said.  
“I love you too, small vampire.” Laszlo said as he took his seat, hugging Jenna tightly.  
“I’ll leave you guys in peace. I want to know if Guillermo would like a sweater.” Nandor said, gathering his stuff and exiting the room in search of his familiar.


	4. Nightmares

Over the past week, Nadja, Laszlo, Nandor, and Guillermo had gotten increasingly sleep deprived. They had not slept properly for entirely too long due to a plague of nightmares.  
“This is terrible. I can’t get any sleep, so I can’t hunt properly.” Nandor said to Guillermo, trudging sluggishly into the sitting room. Nadja and Laszlo appeared a moment later, looking just as exhausted as he was.  
“I hear that. Last night, I tried to prepare myself a meal, but I was making a sandwich. I mean really, why would I eat human food? Disgusting.” Laszlo said, scowling. He plopped down on the couch and Nadja followed suit, slumping her head on his shoulder.  
“It must be Colin Robinson.” Nadja decided, looking around the room for a sign of the energy vampire. He wasn’t there, but it sure felt like he was.  
“Let’s kick him out already. He can sleep at his office.” Guillermo suggested, stifling a yawn.  
“Hey, he’s a vampire. You don’t get to talk like that about him, Guillermo.” Nandor said. “Sorry.” Guillermo muttered. He sat quietly for a few minutes before getting up, retreating to his room to try and sleep.  
~~~~  
The second sleepless week brought about even more problems than its predecessor. Now, instead of just nightmares, the four were now experiencing sleep paralysis. They were gathered in the fancy room, trying to discuss the matter at hand.  
“Yesterday evening, just as I was waking up, I was visited by a strange creature. He was white and puffy, with blue eyes, and he was wearing a little tie and a chef’s hat. He reminded me a bit of Guillermo.” Nandor explained, looking over at his familiar. “Sorry, Guillermo.” he added after receiving a dirty look from the man.  
“I know that fucker. He came to me last night too. I wanted to bite him and drain the blood that he may or may not have had, but I was unable to move for the better part of ten minutes.” Laszlo said, peeking up suddenly. His burst of energy was gone as soon as it had come, and he resumed slouching.  
“Really? I only had to deal with a small lemon headed child in a pink shirt and orange shorts. She kept asking me where the river was, so I told her to fuck off. I haven’t had to deal with her since.” Nadja commented.  
“Yeah, that’s called sleep paralysis. Humans have it sometimes. Quite frankly, I didn’t know it could affect vampires too.” Guillermo told them, resting his head on his hand.  
“Well chaps, seem like it’s time to put an end to this once and for all. Follow me.” Laszlo said, standing and exiting the room. The other three looked at each other, and followed Laszlo.  
~~~~  
“Colin Robinson, you old bastard! Tell us what you’re playing at!” Laszlo shouted, bursting into Colin’s room, grabbing onto the front of his shirt. Colin smirked. Laszlo looked unsettled, and slowly released the energy vampire.  
“Oh, I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything.” he said slowly, his smirk growing. “It all started as an experiment, really, but then I found out how great this method is…” Colin continued, launching into his story.  
(2 weeks prior)  
Colin walked down the aisles of Target, picking out some new sweaters. Feeling bold, he selected a charcoal gray one, an eggshell one, and a burnt sienna one. As he was heading toward checkout, he found his way to the movie aisle, and decided to take a look.  
“Monsters Inc… that looks fun.” he thought aloud, picking up the DVD. He went to pay for his things, and headed back home.  
When he arrived, he went to his bedroom and looked around, finding an old TV. He set it up and put the movie into the DVD player, kicking back to watch the film.   
“Oh, come on. You can’t drain someone’s energy through fear.” he said, frustrated with the misinformation. He sat for a minute before something clicked. “Unless…” he muttered, pausing the movie and running upstairs. He saw Guillermo, polishing the axes and swords. Colin moved closer to the familiar and stood just behind him. He waited until the last weapon was out of Guillermo’s hand before he struck.  
“Mierda!” Guillermo shrieked, turning to face Colin. “What the hell was that for?”  
“Oh nothing.” Colin said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and leaving the room.  
(Present)  
“Over the past two weeks, I learned how to manipulate dreams, which eventually lead to inducing sleep paralysis.” Colin explained, and the other four looked at him in shock.  
“Unbelievable.” Laszlo said.  
“Fucking guy!” Nandor grimaced. He stormed upstairs, followed closely by Nadja, Laszlo, and Guillermo. Colin watched as they left, and shut his door. He looked at the TV and decided to see what was on, only to discover that he had left the movie on. He got comfortable and picked up where he left off, wishing he had a snack to enjoy.


End file.
